The Big Stick Approach

There are many different styles of counselling approaches these days and it pays to shop around for the counselor that suits you. This can also apply to Astrology counselling. I work mainly with teenagers and have learned over the years that the parental “Big Stick” approach just doesn’t work in counselling. Lately it seems that some mothers and counsellors are using a big stick on me.

It seems that some parents and other counsellors interpret my style of work as condoning negative kinds of behaviours. Perhaps their opinions about my style of work reveals why they have problems working with teenagers?

Get into line you!

If a client is exhibiting aggressive behaviours or taking drugs etc it would seem that some of their issues will involve aspects of their developmental life. That is, the persons ability to deal with their inner feeling life in relation to parents. To help a client access their inner world the counsellor must establish trust and respect through a non judgemental process.

Teenagers will especially push the limits of authorities to declare their independance. Why would a good counsellor take a critical or “parental” approach to his clients when there are underlying issues that need attention?

Free Needles

These days government agencies freely hand out syringe packs to intravenous drug users. These programs are called NSP and a person comes in and either exchanges his used syringes for new ones or gets a free “Fitpack”. One could say that the Government health departments are condoning the use of drugs. This is not the case.

If a parent wields a big stick in regard to their teenagers behaviours one can expect the acting out teenager to show an equally rebellious force back. Parents become stuck in a difficult transferrence relationship which can become a never ending fight against the child.

Double Finger

If a person is going to continue their negative behaviours then what is the best way to deal with them? The answer is to “stay out of the authoritative transferrence”, be firm and understanding. If my clients are exhibiting negative behaviours like drug taking, aggressiveness, cutting (self harming) not going to school etc; I clarify that “I do not give permissions for those behaviours” however if that’s what the teenager is doing then lets talk about it.

How can a teenager express his natural opposition and separating phase and be good to his Mother?

1. He could do some anger work and express his angst towards his controlling figures in life.

2. He could maintain his rebellious stance and say  “I will show Mum”

3. Over time with counselling to help the boy express his “natural self ” (self esteem work) – Working with the Mother’s in some cases.

4. Perhaps the boy could do both? To rebel against authority and maintain his school and working life.

5. Form a trusting relationship with a person capable of working “alongside” him or her during this separation phase.

6. To learn about the Rules (boundaries) in his own way even if that means going into a juvenile justice system.

Kingsley

Black Moon Matriarch

Having a prominent Black Moon Lilith in the natal chart usually means there are other underlying indications for early developmental disruptions. The development of personality according to Developmental Psychology occurs largely between birth and seven years of age. In many cases – the Black Moon Lilith part of personality relates to a much younger inner self.

How can a child be Lilithy?

A strongly placed astrological Lilith can manifest in personality through a variety of ways. The Object Constancy (Mahler) developmental stage for example – is where the young toddler rips one of her dolls apart while she meticulously cares for another doll. The child is expressing the good and less than good aspects of her early nurturing experiences. This behaviour is quite healthy and over time the infant integrates these black and white psychological challenges into personality.

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Perhaps Lilith emerges during this early development stage more so than any other stage of development.

When the infant cannot resolve the psychological conflict between their “good and less than good nurturing” the psyche becomes somewhat inflexible. The child develops an impasse where life is either all rotten or all wonderful. There can be few grey areas within such black and white beliefs. Sibling rivalry and jealousy issues can also be a product of this early stage in life.

When the child endures traumatic experiences – survival can be dependant on the part of personality which “takes charge” of the psyche. Enter the “prominent Lilith” and the Black Moon part of personality.

In essence during such a developmental crisis there is a part of personality that splits away from the impasse in order to survive. The split off part of personality remains functional albeit hidden from the persons awareness. Invariably this part of personality can have a “louder voice” than the black and white impasse dynamic. It may also reflect the “bad” nurturing object for the child, however not in all cases. Black Moon Lilith is not all “black” in my view.

So the young child can take on aspects of mothers or grand mothers inflexible parenting style within the psyche. Have you ever heard a four year child old utter ultimatums like a bossy Nana does? The formation of Lilith is a bit like that however Lilith seems to form during the non verbal stage of development.

In the normal transference process in personality development, aspects of our role models personality are injuncted and introjected as parts of our own personality. The Black Moon Lilith or split off part remains remotely connected however separate to these introjected parts. Lilith emerges in personality expression unconsciously – as counter transference to this system. “She” may take the form of the very prejudiced parent that abused her. She may take on an inflexible form – resistant to anything remotely sounding like grandmas authority. Lilith is a wild fire kind of aspect in personality she takes control of chaos in a manner which is contrary to the rest of the psyche.

When Saturn is conjunct Lilith in the natal chart, the “baby” Lilith within – the infant or adolescent Lilith can sound very much like the matriarchal Lilith.

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Angry Granny

Someone must keep order in the chaos

Saturn represents the authoritative and controlling part of personality. The firm parent or prejudiced parent become a part of the  intra psychic dynamics. Saturn allows a framework for managing ones inner psychic structures in relation to the environment. Saturn is not always such a bleak part of personality however when Saturn and Lilith are together in the chart ones unconscious and “darker” sides can develop a mean Matriarchal streak.

Saturn and Lilith seek out ways to have control. The matriarch requires her young charges to experience her own sense of authority. In real life the Saturn-Lilith person can be a carer of disabled or aged people. The Saturn Lilith person may need to form a dependant relationship with a victim like person. One must appreciate that Saturn/Lilith is not wholly the carer in relationships however an abuser within that relationship too.

The Saturn Lilith can provide a form of structure and chaos.

1. Internal self psychological structure in the case of the early impasse – the persons un integrated developmental issues are kept in check by via Lilith and Saturn’s authority over internal and external systems. The person wears themselves out daily by organising and being in control. The person can develop prejudiced beliefs and blames others for problems.

2. Counter Transference in relationships where – even though a person is the carer and in charge of another persons chaos, the Saturn Lilith part of the carers personality is potentially abusive. The Matriarch becomes frustrated and angry enough to find corrupt outlets to express a darker self. Here the unresolved impasse during the object constancy stage is unleashed.

The Matriarchal Lilith can be a complicated process of maintaining dignity in contrast to an abusive counter transference process.

Stockholm-syndrome

The Saturn – Lilith type of abuser encompasses a captive style of relationship. After abusing the dependant person in a surreptitious manner the Saturn Lilith person will then do something nice for the abused person. The dependant person rationalises the abusers behaviour for their own survival needs. With a similar profile as the Stockholm Syndrome the Saturn Lilith person needs to have a captive or dependant person to manage and express their deeply embedded psychological impasse from earlier in life.

Some Saturn Lilith People

Kevin Costner                                                        Cecil Beaton

Neil Diamond                                                         Bruce Lee

Chris Evert                                                              Gregory Peck

Dean Martin                                                            Steve Earle

Salvador Dali

Interesting enough the South Australian – Royal Automobile Association shows Saturn/Lilith at the Mid heaven. (Data by Solar Fire) The RAA operates a service to help stranded motorists who have broken down. In this case it seems that Saturn and Lilith plays an intrinsic role in their public service.

Kingsley