Reframing is a wonderful tool in counselling that helps a client see a more positive spin on their seemingly negative decisions in life. In other words, the counsellor attempts to show the “good reasons” for making certain decisions in ones childhood even though those early decisions seem to plague the person in their adult life. The good counselling work may continue by openly discussing aspects of personality without the client shutting down and thinking poorly of self.
Reframing can also be a discounting tool for those wishing to “rip off” what others have said or written in order to redirect recognition to them rather than the original writer. Usually this happens in groups situations where the advantage is to get all the strokes or recognition by reframing what someone has just said.
Reframing is also about a person who continually reframes their negative thoughts in a way they never have to deal with a problem in their life. Perhaps a wife might reframe her husbands infidelity as his need for sexual freedom rather than feel hurt and betrayed. The counsellor might ‘reframe’ this woman’s process by saying “I love the way you protect yourself from the pain”.
I have seen many clients experiencing great difficulty in coming to counselling or their attempts to disengage from counselling. The client tends to search for a reason or unconsciously attempts to set up a situation which gives them “good” reason to not go to counselling. One reason I heard last week involved a client using her adult children as an excuse not to attend counselling. She stated that she must consider them. The only day she could attend therapy was a Monday night which was the night she sometimes has dinner with them. She didn’t not want to feel guilty and cancelled her appointment. She did however say sorry to me in a way that sounded like she let me down.
Another client gave the reason that her young daughter was “a bit off” as the reason she wasn’t bringing her son to counselling one day. “If the son doesn’t get better then they can all continue their negative bahaviours and not deal with change.” It seems to me that the girl in this case is more important than the boy and the reframing “saves” the the mother from change.
This weeks Mercury retrograde will be aspecting Chiron and North Node. I suspect that reframing and changing ones mind will be somewhat prolific. This year has seen other Mercury Chiron highlights such as the Eclipse earlier this year. We saw the new Australian Government saying sorry to the indigenous people and take a completely new mindset than all previous governments. One could say the Australian Government made a “re decision” on behalf of the nation. There was a great deal of healing in relation to the “Stolen Generation” abuse so many years ago.
Perhaps the Mercury station trine to Nodes/Chiron is also about a collective apology and re deciding upon some matter in life? The retrograde action of Mercury will represent the re framing of ones position in the “group”. The decision to either leave or come back depends which side of the “mind line” you find yourself. Mercury retrograde could see the same kind of example I have used above where the person finds a way to not to deal with their belief and thinking patterns. For some, feeling guilty is their life long job. It is therefore convenient for a person to find something to apologise for, “sorry sorry sorry” and continue negative beliefs about self. I guess if it helps them. Its a bit crappy in some way though. How can I help if the client doesn’t come in?
The counsellor in all of us this month, might require enlisting empathy by understanding that others may be struggling with difficult issues. Sometimes it seems helpful for a person to “not go there”, to ignore or reframe the problem. Perhaps the person is not ready to heal yet?
How are you going to confront someone that you know in this position? Suggest they are very smart for protecting themselves? Be nurturing and say how you “hear the person having difficulty coming to the group?” What is the alternative?
Here is an interesting Video on Social interactions and Transactional Analysis.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bf8c1vMKiE