Counter-Transference and Lilith Reworked

Going back over old blog posts I am sometimes surprised by my inadequate writing skills. I could say now that my writing skills have improved over the last two years. I am not a born writer however the passion for expressing myself through Astrology is a motivation I cannot ignore. I am somewhat rebellious to the dyslexia that makes writing difficult. I have re written this blog because I could hardly understand it myself. Not that Lilith is an easy subject to understand.

Transference is described in psychology as the unconscious redirection of emotional issues from one person to another. Both positive and negative transference stems in part from our early relationships to parents. Transference is usually escalates during breakdowns in adult relationships and often relates to unmet childhood needs. We tend to “paste” these same unresolved issues with our parents onto the face of other people.

With the goal of making transitions and redecisons about unresolved issues interfering with the quality of life, Psychotherapy can help untangle and bring awareness to these transferences.




School Teachers tend to be less trained in handling transference issues and unwittingly step into the line of fire by becoming entangled with students authoritative transference. As a result teachers are prone to reacting by way of Counter-Transference. Emotionally reacting to younger students is stepping into the transference and often a teacher will sound like a parent. Children push and push until they get the reaction they want from parents or teachers.



Transference exists in the midst of relationships

Counter Transference in therapy is the Therapists own feelings and reactions during the course of the session. The process of Counter Transference is used by psychotherapists to understand elements of unconscious communication in their relationships with clients. The therapist is trained to listen to their internal “child”‘ feelings and process them in a way to facilitate treatment interventions. The experienced counsellor can respond seamlessly for good therapeutic intervention.

Usually when a therapist works with transferential therapies supervision and personal therapy become a normal part of their working lives.

If counter-transference or unconscious responses emerge from the therapists own “child issues” then it makes sense for the therapist to explore Lilith (Black Moon Lilith) in their own astrology chart.

Lilith has been described by various authors and can initially be confusing because there are three different Astrological Lilith’s. In this case I refer to the Black Moon Lilith. The Black Moon Lilith is the “empty focus” moon and describes hidden and incongruous parts of personality. Seeing as though I have Black Moon Lilith and Chiron either side (conjunct) of my natal Moon perhaps I may have some helpful insights into Counter-transference and Black Moon Lilith.

Firstly let me say that counter-transference is not a “dirty word” or a negative issue for the counsellor or astrologer. Many new counsellors tend to view counter-transference as erroneous however as long as one has awareness of counter-transference feelings much can be gained personally. The trick seems to be promoting ones inner reflective process. That is to be open to ones blind spots in personality.

Finding ways to identify and to express Lilith can help with complex personal transitions. In some psychoanalytical fields such as in Relational Therapy the word Reflexivity is used to describe the ability for self reflection.



One way in which counter-transference is used productively by counsellors is through self disclosure. To genuinely express their feelings and thoughts related to the client’s clinical work. Working in clinical settings requires understanding counter-transference and boundaries with relational interventions. The client gains from the therapeutic relationship by accessing unconscious thoughts or behaviours that were previously denied.

Both therapist and client can make some means of transformation within their relational transference. So how does one identify their counter-transference through Astrology?

The planets in houses that involve relationships such as the 1st and 7th houses are important places where transference can be identified. One may apply the principle of transference to the placement of the rulers of these houses in the natal chart. The Moons nodal degrees are also points which locates transference in the natal chart. The ruler of the south node in the chart will describe ones early childhood patterning. Basically all of the planets are open to transference however the Moon, Sun and Saturn points are primary indicators.



Adversarial Transference

If you have the Ascendant ruler in the 7th house for example, the person will tend to express themselves outwardly using others as a sound board. Reflexivity is the process of understanding “ping backs” from others when identifying ones own thinking, feeling or behaviour. When the 7th house ruler is in the 1st house others are drawn towards you with either positive or negative transference. Saturn emphasised in the chart this way tends to show authoritative transference. The ruling planet of any house in the chart found in the 1st house will show transference from that house.

Mars the ruler of my 7th house in the my 1st house so I tend to attract competitive transference and sometimes conflict. Often I hardly need to open my mouth and others want to challenge me. I am well experienced in these types of relationships and as a result became trained in Mediation and Anger Therapy.

Mars in the first house also describes my assertive personality and emotional reactions attached to counter-transference feelings.  If  I take notice of my inner emotional response to a client then I can then understand more about the client. Without reacting I can then “track” the client in therapy so they can deal with their own anger issues.

In my experience the most vulnerable aspect or function in the astrology chart will show the source of counter-transference feelings. In my case it would be the Moon and Chiron.



Black Moon Lilith Symbol

If you find Black Moon Lilith in the natal chart the usual sign and house descriptions may apply although it’s really just a guide. Aspects to Lilith such as conjunctions opposites or squares will describe Lilith in more detail. One can attempt to identify and connect to their behaviours and expressions by following the descriptions of Lilith in the chart.

One can also identify transits and progressions to natal Lilith and the other planets involved to calculate important Lilith events.

It is a good idea to first prove the ability for reflexivity in the natal chart. The usual third house analysis and Moon – Mercury – Ascendant connections will hint towards an ability for self reflection. The Modalities in the natal chart such Fixed, Mutable or Cardinal energies will also help to show the persons temperaments and reflexivity potentials.

The aim of “becoming aware” in counselling is to emerge from a kind of  “self awareness crises” in a good space with valuable transformative material.

My Lilith is in Aquarius which is fixed but intellectually orientated. I think about my feelings and can detach from feelings too (moon in Aquarius). With the help of a mutual reception between Mercury and Mars my reflexive process is quite good however it takes some time for me to discover things that I am unaware of. I have an abundance of Fire element and my chart modalities balanced.

People with Lilith conjunct angles or luminaries will have intensity of Lilith functions. These people may find it helpful to reflect on their interactions carefully and find creative ways to express Lilith in personality. Strong Lilith placements in the chart relate to people with charismatic and creative personalities.

Learning to integrate Lilith is not an easy process and requires practicing reflexivity techniques within ones relationships. Practicing ones “genuiness” can be done carefully as to not expose too vulnerable feelings afterwards. It is through this “giving and receiving” process in relationships where valuable transitions can be made using dynamic transference.

The integration and transcendence from ones early unmet needs occurs by first becoming aware of unconscious thoughts and feelings. Lilith represents complex transference issues in personality which can be expressed unconsciously in adult relationships.

Lilith seems to do her “worst work” when she is denied and repressed in personality. Identifying and then giving Lilith some freedom to express “herself ” feels a bit risky at first however with small steps that kind of permission can be very rewarding.

First posted 2008;  Re edited Feb 2010



16 Responses to “Counter-Transference and Lilith Reworked”

  1. 1 Graffiti March 20, 2008 at 20:19

    Great pictorial representation of an adversarial transference Kingsley


  2. 2 A. March 22, 2008 at 00:07

    Yea, cool post on Lillith! Maybe I’ll address her as well on my blog, which is sadly still being neglected (by me!).

    Much food for thought with your writing 🙂

  3. 3 kingsley March 22, 2008 at 15:15

    Thanks A, hope you find some inspiration for some pictures and words over at your blog.

    happy easter to you


  4. 4 kingsley March 22, 2008 at 22:40

    Do you think he was really being angry with his mother in the picture Grafitti? I know its only actors but I don’t think I would let a client get that close with adversarial transference. I hope the series returns one day.


  5. 5 Graffiti March 23, 2008 at 09:30

    Yes he would probably be angry at his mother there Kingsley especially as she took the blank screen type approach to her therapy.

    I also would like to see more of the series but i think it has been canned for ever


  6. 6 kingsley March 23, 2008 at 10:07

    Happy Easter to you Grafitti


  7. 7 roses March 31, 2008 at 10:23

    Kinglsley? It’s going to take me a few more reads to truely get any of this.

    Were you saying that, when i talk (relate) to people i’m actually fishing for reactions that i needed from someone who had some authority in my past? And, if i don’t get the reaction that i’m fishing for, then i keep trying a whole lot of different ways till i get it?

    And that being ‘transference’, if i don’t recognise the transference fact, then my life will never change? I’ll just keep going around and around the same old same old?

    Hmm. That’s pretty yucky.

    So there’s got to be an awareness. How does one gain an awareness?

    I think it’s all too big for me just yet, but curious and curiouser…



  8. 8 kingsley March 31, 2008 at 10:45

    Hi Roses, you do have a good understanding of transference in your comment above. Its not that the process is constant in our lives but yes, that can be one of the basis of setting up playing of Games and positioning oneself on the Drama triangle in TA language.

    Pehaps not everyone really does become totally aware of transference transactions but in therapy they can be sorted out to a certain extent over time. One finds a “transferential figure” to express onto, or Gestalt helps the awareness via Child feelings. One may or may not gain awareness from that process but underneath they are dealing/healing with their life position. In some ways letting “Lilith out” provides us with a learning experience if there is enough reflectiveness going on.

    I have no idea yet how to instruct people to “let lilith out” its more of a permission to do that, that its ok to transfer or countertransfer with in pathological reason in order to have a learning experience about self.


  9. 9 elsa April 10, 2008 at 20:24

    speaking of teachers, my son’s teachers wind up partnering with him. It really is sickening, they think he is their damned boyfriend or something. Every year he winds up sitting with his desk closest to theirs and last year the teacher called in the summer (he had just turned 8) – said she missed him (and another boy) and wanted to take them to lunch and buy them something at the book store.

    I allowed this and she wound up showing up alone (the other boy canceled>) and my son was stuck with her for 4 hours, came home loaded with presents and stuff he didn;t want (a taurus – knows what he wants). Never again!

    This year I had to go to the school and tell the teacher to back off as my son was becoming depressed from all her fawning. Does not do you so well on the playground when the teachers says your work is great and everyone else’s sucks every day of the week, ::sigh::

    I figure odds high he’s a few years older and this gets even worse. Gah.

  10. 10 kingsley April 11, 2008 at 15:39

    I have never heard that sort of thing before Elsa; about your son’s teacher. He must really make an impact with them and form strong attachments. He likes to be liked.

    That sort of idealizing transference has obviously activated the teachers counter transference of “joy” towards your son (or somnething like that). Not all counter transference has evil connatations however one can imagine why these days, schools have tight screening process for teachers who may be prone to sexualizing counter transference.

  11. 11 kingsley March 5, 2009 at 08:15

    Being so defensive about ones position in life is revealing ones shield. Being adversarial towards particular people is wanting to them to “bite and fight”. What will the person with the adversarial need do, if they dont get a “bite and fight”?

    Lilith isnt worth fighting she just turns everything on its head and starts laughing. Sometimes Lilith is a “mind fuck” and the lilith person will need to transfer that energy onto others for self preservation. Beating up people is perhaps just for sheer entertainment value. Being adversarial gets tiring after a few years and People tend to move on.


  12. 12 Curious Girl September 7, 2009 at 16:52

    A man’s Lilith is within a couple degrees of his girlfriend’s Ascendant (from the 12th). It follows that this man’s dark and difficult side of his nature affects the girl’s appearance and self-projection. His Lilith in her 12th house so close to her Ascendant affects her subconsciously (12th house = hidden things) and manifests in her outward appearance.

    Sure enough, a man I once loved made me scowl and frown like none other. This Lilith was in the last decan of Gemini to boot, which made it a two-faced bitch (or in his case, bat out of hell) lol

    Literally, a Dr. Jekyll Mr. Hyde scenario which turned the girl’s countenance from fair to fierce in turn.

    There isn’t much on the web regarding Lilith conjunct Ascendant in synastry but this girl speaks from experience and your article dear Kingsley is a Godsend. Dark moon energy is a powerful subterfugal force and insidious if affecting you from the 12th (your blind side).

    Penny for your thoughts?

  13. 13 kingsley September 7, 2009 at 17:54

    Hello curious girl, I like the way you say from ones “blind side” in the 12th. The synastry you describe with Lilith may feel like a “chemistry” between the two. I would call that Lilith placement as “on the ascendant”. Lilith is the “blind side” in itself.

    thanks for your comments and interest.


  1. 1 Black Moon and Liliths Dark Side « Astrology by Kingsley Trackback on April 14, 2008 at 12:58
  2. 2 Lilith Edits « Astrology by Kingsley Trackback on August 8, 2009 at 16:13
  3. 3 Black Moon Lilithium « Astrology by Kingsley Trackback on September 4, 2009 at 17:53

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